Who Should Pay for the First Date?

I don’t know why money comes up so often, but guys everywhere are unsure who should pay for the first date.  You’ve probably heard people argue on both sides of this issue, and maybe you’d like some advice.  Pickup artists tend to have elaborate theories on value exchange, and whether or not paying for a date makes you an alpha or beta male.

As a rule of thumb, you (the man) should pay for the first date.  I’m pretty old-fashioned, but that’s not the only reason it’s a good idea for a man to pay for the first date.

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Paying demonstrates your independence. Being unable to afford the first date tells your love interest, “I don’t have my life together, and I need you to take care of me.” Not having the money for a date doesn’t make you less of a man, but expecting her to foot the bill does. Short on cash? Be honest with her; suggest something that is cheap (or free). Perhaps she’ll enjoy a trail run and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. You don’t need to spend money to have fun, but avoid looking like a mooch.

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 No, this isn’t a chauvinistic article suggesting that all women are looking for a provider.  But it’s worth noting that we all want someone who does nice things for us.  She’ll appreciate the treat and your generosity.  Attraction is all about mutual investment.  You need the woman to invest in the interaction, but it’s a two-way street.

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 Odds are good that you asked her out on a date.  It’s only polite to bear the cost, since you made the suggestion.  Speaking of being polite, pay attention to whether or not she tries to pay the bill.  Most women will at least attempt to pay for their own meal, but some feel entitled to a free meal.  How you feel about that is a matter of taste, but it’s a great opportunity to learn more about the woman you are with.  A great way to allude to a second date is by saying, “It’s okay.  I’ll get this one.  You can pay next time.”  Also, some women insist on going Dutch.  Avoid an awkward moment, and let her pay for her food if she insists (after you offered to pay first).  Simply respond with, “Cool.  I respect that.”  (Note: Some women avoid becoming indebted to men they don’t know.  Others feel empowered by spending their own money.  There is a small chance that she’s paying because she isn’t attracted to you, and doesn’t want to lead you on.)

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“But Crew, I’m going to go broke paying for all of these first dates!” You might be saying.  Not necessarily.  Picking up the check forces you to be more selective about which women you court.  You’re more likely to be choose women you find particularly interesting, instead of accepting the first gal who accepts your advances.  Remember, you are interested in finding a worthwhile romantic partner.  You shouldn’t take a woman on a date if you don’t think her company is worth the cost.

 When you pay the bill it puts you in control.  You are liable to select places that are within your budget.  Which means you’ll be able to dictate the date’s pace.  Most women like men who make decisions about where to go and what to do, but keep her interests in mind.  Listen to her suggestions, and choose a venue that she will enjoy.

Of course you won’t pay in every scenario.  Large groups come to mind.  Romance is messy, and nothing is set in stone.  Go with the flow, and don’t’ get upset if things don’t go according to plan.  Use “man pays first” as your guideline.

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